| >But you wouldn't say the same thing to a diabetic who needs insulin, right?. Yes, that's where I'm conflicted. At the same time that I try to pretend using psychedelics for ADHD would be an addiction, I'm actively seeking metamphetamine instead. Which doesn't exactly have a reputation as a non-addictive healthy substance to be self-medicating with.. I can see the idea that medication is medication and shouldn't be stigmatized. Still, I think I feel that way because I can make a reasonable point about side-effects and how much therapeutic benefit I get vs impairment, in my personal experience. LSD is pretty effective, but for me (and this might not generalize) it works best when it's a full introspective trip where I'm going to have amplified emotions. Which is also where I'm most impaired and least able to interact with the rest of the world. If I compare that with the effects of stimulants for ADHD, at least in expectations they seem like a much more functional thing to be on, on a frequent or even daily basis. Though I admit if microdosing works for some people, then that seems potentially just as good a medication, too. >There seems to be this cultural issue around mental health problems, this stigma associated with them. You wouldn't tell someone in a wheelchair they just need to try harder to get up the stairs! But with brains that's basically what most people say. For a long time I used to have had some strong bias against using any external help, instead just trying harder or trying to better myself through sheer force of will. I instinctively never liked the idea of depending on any medication, like it was a crutch. I was wrong, but I think there's still a bit of that instinct resisting treatment. You're completely right about the stigma existing, too. I'll have to read The Woman Who Changed Her Brain. I've found one sort of mental trick that helps me get things done, but it's about getting into a mindspace where I have to admit to myself that procrastinating is wrong/makes no sense, until that forces me reject the wrongness out of a weird childish sense of right and wrong manifesting as determination. Probably no one else can relate to that part :) It borders on guilt-tripping or emotionally manipulating myself, and I'm only half happy with exploring that idea further. Trying to transform your self-image sounds like a whole other thing, that's a really interesting idea! I feel like a small part of me would hate that, because that feels dangerously close to 'lying' to myself (which my childish intuitive sense of right and wrong frowns upon pretty strongly). But on the other hand I can absolutely see how that'd be effective. Self image is a powerful thing, and there's something about the mindset I'm in that completely changes how much difficulty I'll have starting things. I'll definitely try to apply that idea, of acting like someone who might think differently and see themselves differently. I feel like I've spend many hours circling the problem, but I still haven't found some effective way of getting from a mindset where I'm facing strong mental barriers to a mindset where things are easier. But I have all the time in the world to try, so, thank you for sharing that idea =) |
So after I did a personality test and realized that my repeated failures in life were likely the result of my 0th percentile ( ! ) conscientiousness (which the test humorously explained as "if you were one of 100 people in a room, 99 people would be more conscientious than you") I decided I either had to do something about it, or continue to suffer stupidly.
So I decided I would become conscientious through sheer force of will. But I realized that my entire identity was holding myself back. It felt like "not me" to act hardworking and well-organized, because I had become attached to the idea of not being that way. I'd be pretending to be "someone else".
So using this "parallel universe" version of me, that is highly conscientious, was a loophole. I imagined that our timelines were coming closer together until they merged and we became the same person. (I later learned that visualizing an ideal form (eg. a deity) and merging with it (to absorb its qualities) is used in the tantra tradition!)
From then on it still took constant conscious effort (in fact, that "constant vigilance" is actually a big part of conscientiousness--you don't let anything slip under the radar) but it was much easier after that powerful intention and visualization.