[browningstreet]

Me: New movie is coming out. I’m excited for new movie. I’m so excited about new movie that I buy tickets and choose seats. I tell my (whatever) how excited I am about new movie and that we have tickets. New movie is coming out. It’s the day of the movie — I start to feel lethargic. I don’t want to go see movie (different than “I don’t want to see movie”). I’m grumpy all day that I have somewhere to be at a time and place. I’ll hit a bottom. I go see movie. It’s great. After movie I’m spent.

Reason for sharing this: I like being alone. But if I have a life configuration that leaves me alone when others aren’t..: I might go through the inverse of this

Recently broke up. Ex- is being very social. I’m annoyed ex is being very social, I think I can’t be social, even when I confirm with myself that I don’t want to be social I’m still conflicted about it. When I went with ex- while being social, I flirted on edge and wasn’t social. I didn’t want to be there either.

I feel like this every time I read an article that says we have to have connections or we will rot in our old age

Or my employer tells me we have to come back to the office because “community”

I really actually do want to be alone 90% of the time. But not every part of my brain let’s me fully have that thought uncontested.