| Is it possible that you realize you're most comfortable being alone, but the external signals you receive, and have accepted as truth, say that's not ok? > I truly can not handle it anymore… You don't really say what "it" is. What is it about being alone that you can't handle? I think if you could try to put into words the bad feelings being alone is causing you, you might have a better handle on where to go. You mention "saudade". Wikipedia explains it like this: > Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares for, or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade It seems that's a world view locked on the rear-view mirror. It doesn't seem to track with your first paragraph or title, which is about seeking solitude but not being at ease with it. Did you at one time spend more time around other people? > How do you deal with it? Wanting to spend a lot (even most) time alone is perfectly ok. There's a wide range of needs for being with other people. If the discord is due to external perceptions, then disregard them. But if there's something else to it, say self-destructive tendencies, you may need someone to talk about it with with. |