[scaramanga]

I think that what you call "learning to bear a cross" is really an application of empathy, and an important one. It's the knowledge that "if I have an emotional meltdown, those close to me will be forced in to the role of caring for me, which emotionally drains them."

It's such an important skill to know when to hide or bear your hurt, to spare others the burden of care, and when to share your hurt to acquire some care. It's a difficult balance to strike because if you go neglected for too long, you will completely meltdown, but if you elicit care too often, you will also elicit compassion fatigue from your carers (especially as an adult, I mean, parents will pretty much pour all the care required in to their young children, it's not that they are limitless, but the limits are way higher).

To be less transactional about it: you don't make every negative event be all about you, because you recognise that things affect others, even things that seem to only affect you. That requires a quite refined and well-developed sense of empathy where you are balancing various overlapping and conflicting needs of, potentially, several people at once.