[Scarbutt]

Never in my life do I want to see someone write an UPDATE query against a single table with no shenanigans with dynamic field support using string gluing to properly stitch in all the columns

These are just convenient features that most ORMs provide and can exist entirely outside of ORMs, they are not the primary purpose of ORMs.

[munk-a]

You are correct by their design. But by usage I've found that to be by far the most valuable thing that ORMs deliver. Making use of ORMs to power an ActiveRecord system in your codebase has only ever, to my observation, lead to pain. Querybuilders that are equipped with more advanced functionality around type security and response decoding are quite a valuable tool.