[sokoloff]

I’ve made more since we started dating 17 years ago, in a ratio typically between 3x and 6x, depending on the year, stock market, and her job. On a crazy stock market year, it could be over 10x.

In phases:

Living apart: fairly traditional dating. I probably picked up 75% of the checks, but we split any travel 50/50 and mostly didn’t worry about it.

Living together: at her insistence, we split the household bills 50/50 and she paid the same amount as she previously paid in rent. This was true in a (more than 2x as expensive) rental and later, a house I bought in my name. This was the most painful phase as the last thing I wanted to do was write down in the ledger that I bought $20 of toilet paper, but she insisted.

Married: all that stopped and it’s all just our money. Same house was put in joint ownership during one of the refinances.

Married with kids: same, but just with a lot less extra money and time. :)

Mechanically, we implement all that with joint accounts (in case of dying) but with accounts that I manage and others that she manages day-to-day. This is so we don’t have to check in with the other to avoid overdrafts or other nonsense. She doesn’t have to get annoyed if I buy a gadget and I don’t have to get annoyed if she buys something I wouldn’t.

Full visibility and access across accounts, but “soft agreement” to have his and hers accounts separately for mechanical but not philosophical/financial reasons.