[darrelld]

Lots of comments in here disregarding the author's take, but there is a pervasive alcohol culture in most US workplaces.

One place I worked at did champagne for birthdays and major celebrations. All outings after work were at a bar.

Another place I was at was basically a frat house. Lots of young folks fresh out of college and drinking was practically expected. Interviews took place at bars in the early days. Owner used to come by my desk on a Friday afternoon with a bottle of wine, pour me a glass and tell me to stop working and have a drink.

Staff parties were drinking fueled raves. Socializing and other official events were centered around drinking. It was even a selling point of working for the place that the fridge was always stocked with alcohol. Some people kept a special bottle of whisky in their desk.

I'm no prude...I enjoy the occasional drink of all varieties. One glass (max two) of <insert alcoholic beverage here> and I'm good.

But the drinking culture screams at you that you should drink all the time, drink more and be happy to have a chance to drink. It screams that you should care about brewing processes and types of alcohol.

It's not a problem just in tech, but tech workforces revel in it. I can't say that if I didn't drink it wouldn't stop my advancing through career ladders, being a "good drinking buddy" did play a non zero role into the speed of advancement and size of bonuses in some form when I directly compared my trajectory to others who didn't take part in the drinking sessions.

It's also not just a work problem...humanity as a whole defaults to drinking. I was part of it through my college years and the first few years of working in tech. I started backing away from drinking as much and going to fewer bar outings for my own personal fitness reasons, and I felt the pressure "what you're leaving already? You're not going to have another? Drink faster".

For all of you who say you've never pressured anyone about it, haven't seen it, or don't feel it, there are 10 more people who do the exact opposite. No one held me down and forced me to drink, and no one applied more pressure that I couldn't gracefully handle as someone secure in themselves and their choices can do, but there is a non zero amount of work to be done that becomes mildly annoying for me. For others who cave easily to pressure but want to break out they feel it more I'm sure.

For anyone struggling to break out of the drinking cycle here are some things I've found after years of trying to drop it:

* Set yourself a limit and stick to it. Make it known. Mine is a two drink max. Even one will do. If you so choose zero is fine too.

* The pressure can feel immense, but hold your ground.

* Having no drink in front of you or an empty glass is a trigger for someone to ask you about it and try to pressure you into another one. Keep a glass a little full to help avoid that.

* Keep a separate tab from everyone else. I've found that having one shared tab is like throwing fuel on the fire for everyone to drink more. Especially in a company outing there is a chance that the company will pay for it making everyone go crazy with consumption.

* If someone buys you a drink that you didn't ask for feel free to not drink it and pass it onto someone else who is enthusiastic about drinking it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

EDIT: One last thing -- I don't think we should remove people from being able to drink at work events, or remove it as part of the culture. Instead just raising the idea and making it more normalized that there are people who want to spend time with you, but don't want to drink just to spend time with you.

[pwinnski]

I've had friends who described the culture at their companies, and it sounded like everybody worked through an alcoholic haze. Somehow I've never end up at companies like that.

Although at one company there were occasional after-hours jaunts to a bar, they weren't attended by management, and nobody kept track of who attended and who abstained.

When I gave up drinking for a few years during my divorce, I was definitely in the minority of non-drinkers, but I never seemed to have any trouble. Then again, I didn't make a big deal of it by doing things like refusing a raffle prize. I wasn't trying to make a moral stand, I just didn't think it was a good idea for me to be drinking at the time.

Anyway, in my experience, OP is making a mountain out of a molehill, but I've heard from some friends whose work experience is different from mine that OP might just have had a run of bad luck.