[rubicon33]

This hits the nail on the head for me. Interestingly, I only came to this realization later in life as well. I've always thought of myself as "tired" but the real problem is I require an exceptionally high stimulating environment to excite me out of langour.

Exercise. Video games. Occasionally (rarely?) an academic subject that I am good at and interests me can also elicit this excitement and energy.

But in general I go about life in a rather "depressed" mode. Most tasks are done not because I feel that little kick to do them, but because I know if I don't my life will be worse.

I often wish I was more naturally excited by things which are less stimulating. I waste a lot of time just satisfying that part of my brain that craves stimulation and novelty. It's really a shame, because I truly do wish I were spending that time on productive or meaningful pursuits.

I've wondered over the years why I'm this way, when I work among peers who seem to get stimulation from reading such arcane topics as linux kernel development.

I can only assume in my case the root cause is video games + the internet. I'm in my mid 30s and have had a video game in my hand since I was 5 or 6 (original game boy). If my spare time wasn't spent playing video games, it's spent on the lottery game of social media / the internet over the years. I'm only just starting to work on undoing the damage these mediums have done to my motivation and stimulation center. If I'm honest, part of me doubts I'll ever be able to be genuinely excited about some of the hard work that I wish I could be excited about, but the thought of living the rest of my life essentially a slave to stimulating media is a depressing thought. I want to create interesting things, which means I need to be genuinely excited to learn new subjects.

[jmfldn]

Sorry to hear. I think you're doing the right thing in trying to see if you can cope with lower stimulation gradually. Try lower stimulation hobbies, reading novels, going for long walks etc. Maybe you'll find that you can somewhat recondition yourself gradually. There really is a great joy in enjoying simple pleasures without distraction. Don't fret if you can't get there quickly or have a different baseline too, there's nothing wrong with being a certain way but, speaking from personal experience and general life experience, many of us seem addicted to things to one degree or another these days. Not least things involving screens.

Since you mentioned the word depressed, it can't do any harm to talk to a mental health professional too if you're concerned in any way about your emotional state. It may or may not be needed but that could also be a factor.

[rubicon33]

Thank you for the encouraging words.

> Maybe you'll find that you can somewhat recondition yourself gradually.

That's the goal. I intend to be patient with myself on this task and work on it over the course of the next few years. I have no doubt that it will take years to effect any kind of substantive change.