[labrador]

Similar here, but I eventually realized it wasn't normal and wasn't who I wanted to be. I sought professional help. I learned Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I've internalized since I'm a programmer. CBT is like a language I can use to program myself. Just today I spontaneously told myself "Stop making things up! you don't need to come up with a reason or wild rationalization for every feeling"

I used to really resonate with the writings of Dostoyevsky and Melville. The opening paragraph of Moby Dick was a favorite:

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.”

I no longer feel grim about the mouth or feel damp and drizzly in my soul

[psychphysic]

CBT is an amazing invention. Aaron Beck it's creator passed away not so long ago.

There is an issue where some personality types don't accept it. And will rationalise somehow that they ought to remain miserable.

[hericium]

> I learned Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I've internalized since I'm a programmer. CBT is like a language I can use to program myself. Just today I spontaneously told myself "Stop making things up! you don't need to come up with a reason or wild rationalization for every feeling"

I seem to be using this/similar(?) technique, too, to force myself to do things long-term good, but short-term unpleasant.

I didn't knew its name though. Any good books on the subject?

[psychphysic]

Mind over Mood is an excellent self guided CBT book. It comes with works sheets.

There's also a practitioners version if you want to see how the sausage is made from a fascilitation side of thing.

If you're interested in more advanced discussion of methods consider Judith Beck (late CBT creator Aaron Beck's daughter). CBT basics and beyond.

Both are very popular within the UK.

[labrador]

There's a lot of good material on the internet about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy ("Wise Mind") and Cognitive Processing Therapy for trauma. These are all inspired by Eastern meditation and non-attachment to thoughts and feelings.

I would start by asking yourself if you learn well on your own? Or it might be better to learn with a therapist to explain the subtleties and indicate where you are getting stuck.

[thederek512]

David D Burns "Feeling good"

[labrador]

That's one of the books I used. It's a good one.

[drcongo]

Search for CBT, there's a lot of great resources.

[Overtonwindow]

Have you tried ketamine therapy?

[labrador]

I will if I need to, but so far I'm doing ok with emotional regulation