[felixnm]

I used to take the Chicago Metra and ride in the vestibule to exit the train quickly. The same 8 people would always be there every day but this gentleman, "Gary", would always carry the conversations.

People were just drawn to him and I was in awe of how he captivated us with his stories. I was able to study him for a couple of years and came up with a list of how he was able to hold our attention:

1) Gary spoke loud (he had to since we were in the train entryway) but did not shout.

2) He adjusted his tempo of speaking to match the urgency of his story. Just like a good song, he had noticeably different ways of expressing himself.

3) Just as he adjusted his speaking, his hand movements and facial expressions also supported his story telling.

4) He was older (maybe early 60s) so he had a lot of life experience.

5) He was not condescending or patronizing. He was very empathetic with his audience and the stories he told. You could tell that he really cared about the subjects of his stories and how we could relate to them.

6) He knew everyone's name. So when he talked to you he would use your name a lot.

7) He always was to the point. He didn't meander or deviate from his train of thought. Every story had a build-up and a conclusion.

8) He was very funny without being mean. Sort of like Cosby before we found out what Cosby was really like.

9) He was always happy. He loved his job and his family and he was nearing retirement (he told us this). His happiness was infectious.

10) He was always asking questions. Sometimes, I'd get to the train early and it would just be me and him. He'd always ask about my day, any interesting projects, etc. He would then comment on what he had for lunch ("Have you ever had the Chicken Vesuvio?" he asked) and go on about an experience he had at an awesome restaurant.

After two years I had to stop taking the train, but I'd sometimes hear about Gary from a friend. He did retire a couple of years later and moved somewhere warmer. I've always read articles about excellent speakers, but then I always think that I was fortunate to learn from Gary.

[edumucelli]

The way you described it made me feel that you either learned a lot from Gary or are you are Gary itself in a huge plot twist. Very entertaining story, like a meta-answer.

[alexpetralia]

Once of my speaking tricks, which your evaluation of Gary touched upon, is "maximize variability." Vary your emotions (excited, worried), your tempo (fast, slow), your pauses (no pauses, long pauses), your eye contact, your gestures, etc. Of course it is not exact but I've found it to be a good heuristic. We are captivated by variability (things which change).

[fishtoaster]

This is something I'm still working on. Every time I prepare a talk, I record myself doing it at least once and force myself to, painfully, watch it. Invariably my feedback for myself is to add more variability. Especially in a prepared talk, I have to force myself to add much more emotion than feels natural in order for it to come out interesting-looking in the talk.

[bckr]

That's a gripping description, thanks and I hope Gary is still telling stories.

[oumua_don17]

You just read one ;-)

[redahahaha]

https://news.ycombinator.com/login

[atmosx]

Fascinating. History repeats itself I guess - truly great ppl don't need to write themselves down anything. Others will do it for them.

Thanks for sharing :-)

[f38zf5vdt]

The extent to which "How to win friends and influence people" stays relevant never stops fascinating me.

[wkimeria]

> 8) He was very funny without being mean. Sort of like Cosby before we found out what Cosby was really like.

I shouldn't laugh but this right here is gold. Also, love all the points you laid out.

[clucas]

Wow... I ride Metra almost every day, and I also stand in the vestibule. I feel like this a TODO list for what I should be doing. Thank you!

[Kenneth39]

What a wonderful story. Thank you!