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by Escapado
1412 days ago
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I have trouble loving myself. Like the author my life is mostly great, though I sometimes struggle with health issues but I would not wanna trade it for any other life. I love my friends and family and they love me back. However I would avoid conflict at almost all costs in order to please people even if it is too my own detriment. It meant saying yes to everything in my last relationship in fear of losing her and being alone again (which is very egotistical) and it meant only 3 weeks of vacation in the past 3 years because I didn't want to leave the client/teams hanging. In romantic relationships I am desperate for approval and expressions of love since I do not know how to love myself properly.
I am also afraid taking steps into that direction will take away my motivation for self-improvement. But most of all I have no idea how to actually learn to love myself. It's not like I haven't read a ton of advice on the topic, it's just that it didn't work yet. Maybe I should find someone professional to talk to. It's not crippling me and I am fine but I feel like my life would be better if I loved myself. |
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I've sat on this for a couple days trying to wrap some thoughts up. It's challenging, and I think what I've written below is pretty incomplete. But in any case...
I think these two statements are mutually contradictory, and I think that is an essential insight. (I, too, tend towards peace-making and people-pleasing at the wrong times.)
Love is a commitment that should produce sufficient safety to tell the truth to each other. It's hard to do that, and it's hard to test it. Love is ultimately concerned with the good of the other. This reflects around to you: if you are unable to be truthful with the beloved, you are not best for the beloved.
The well-worn bedrock of civilization--do unto others as you would have them do to you--seems like a good starting point for both loving yourself and your neighbor. It remains fraught with difficulty, though, because we often lack the will to do what is best for ourselves (or even the knowledge of what is best).