[CodeWriter23]

For me, the topic is too multi-dimensional to boil down to a few paragraphs about having a kind inner voice and recognizing defense/survival mechanisms. The latter actually being more about hating others than myself in my experience.

I will add this to the thought stream on the topic however. Being ok with rejection, well more than that, accepting that rejection is a mechanism that guides me out of situations that aren’t right for me, or away from people who do not accept me for who I am is key to loving myself. The other path, to fear or avoid rejection is to prioritize destroying myself in the name of pleasing others, which is the opposite of self love.

Loving others involves accepting their variances from/conflicts with my important choices and being ok with that. Conversely, loving myself involves being ok with my important choices especially in the face of someone else rejecting me for said choices. IOW, accept me the way I am and the way I choose to grow, or kindly show yourself the door out of my life.

Again, this is an incomplete treatise on what self love is. I do however believe loving oneself is most important when it comes to dealing with others.

[PaulsWallet]

> Being ok with rejection, well more than that, accepting that rejection is a mechanism that guides me out of situations that aren’t right for me

I think this an important but incomplete statement. Rejection means that situation wasn't right for you but the question I have to ask myself every time is was it because I wasn't ready or good enough? If I get rejected from a job I really wanted, it would be easy to pat myself on the back and say "it wasn't a good fit" but the reality might be it wasn't a good fit because my skills weren't up to snuff. This is where having a kind inner voice helps. Don't avoid the reality that you need to improve but don't berate yourself.

[darkteflon]

If I may, I feel like this is sort of orthogonal to the point of GP’s comment, which I read as being concerned with rejection for the essence of who you are, rather than rejection for a technical role because you don’t have the right background.

[CodeWriter23]

You’re mostly correct, for me, it is mainly about who I am at my core. However, being rejected on technical grounds guides me either toward addressing the deficiency or something else I’m better suited to.

While I think it is important to be volitional in making my choices, sometimes singlemindedness in this regard can blind me to the gifts of things I did not choose. So sometimes self love manifests as making myself available to receive the unexpected, the thing I could not envision for myself that is actually much better for me.

[Jensson]

But maybe you are a rude fellow who doesn't take appropriate care for his hygiene and is just generally a burden on everyone around you. There is no hard line between "who you really are" and things everyone ought to fix about themselves. And it is changing over time, at one point being obese was a thing everyone ought to fix but today it is socially acceptable, as the median American is obese.

[roeles]

> Rejection means that situation wasn't right for you but the question I have to ask myself every time is was it because I wasn't ready or good enough?

You weren't good enough.. Yet.

[darepublic]

>The other path, to fear or avoid rejection is to prioritize destroying myself in the name of pleasing others, which is the opposite of self love.

Yes

[darkteflon]

Lovely comment. Something I would really have appreciated hearing as a young person.

[caprock]

Thank you for those helpful words