[jquery]

> The sort of rational thinking you are describing was completely absent from this process

The unreasonably high stakes of “losing” a divorce case make it more like a no-holds barred cage match. I think America likes it this way because on some level it believes people must suffer for getting divorced.

[meepmorp]

Not everybody's divorce is like this. My ex and I went through voluntary mediation and came to a mutually agreed settlement, with shared legal custody.

We just both recognized that the process was about separating our lives, not resolving our feelings about one another. And that's pretty much always why it goes wrong - people want to use court proceedings as a substitute for therapy.

[nicoburns]

That doesn't make any sense, because it being a "no-holds barred cage match" makes it more likely for one party to lose. Going in with a co-operative mindset (at least until the other party demonstrates they are not) should be win-win.

[giantg2]

"Going in with a co-operative mindset (at least until the other party demonstrates they are not) should be win-win."

Completely agree. However, the underlying reason for many divorces is that they no long have the ability to cooperate or view things rationally.

[pohl]

The ability is still there. Usually it’s the willingness that’s absent.

[giantg2]

In some cases. In others the individual(s) may be irrationally emotional and might need a lot of therapy to overcome those emotional impulses.

[notch656a]

I've seen couples where the ability was never there, even if the willingness was.

[pyuser583]

They only cared about the events leading to the divorce, not the divorce itself.