[IncRnd]

I've gone through a divorce that went through the courts. I've also gone through mediation that was required by that court. For unrelated matters, I've gone through mediation, court proceedings, expert witness testimony, etc.

My first advice is to never go through a court proceeding when it can be avoided. My second advice is to speak to a lawyer - early - to preserve your rights and those of your children. That's non-negotiable. Always preserve your rights and those of your children.

Those two advices can often contradict each other, so consider and take them how you will. Until the dust settles, you won't know which will cost more, a lawyer or not contacting one.

[yieldcrv]

> speak to a lawyer - early - to preserve your rights and those of your children

also, do this years before a relationship so you set up your finances and asset structures before all of this starts getting built in a marriage!

pre-emptive legal help is orders of magnitude more powerful than reactive legal help

[xbar]

Good advice about talking to a lawyer and not going through a court proceeding.

I suspect you will never know which cost more, but you can reduce the cost of any single path by finishing it as quickly, and with as few twists and turns, as possible.

[IncRnd]

I absolutely agree. Nobody goes into a divorce thinking they want it to take a long time. Just get it over with, and keep as much trust as possible. That goes double when children are involved. It's not the kids' fault their parents are getting divorced, but they are the ones most impacted.

[SamoyedFurFluff]

I would like to propose a caveat: some people go into a divorce with the intention to ruin the other person. This can make divorces long and ugly, because the purpose isn’t to get it over with but to right some perceived injustice by punishment.

[IncRnd]

Thank you. That's a good point.