[Aperocky]

It's alright if people form judgments about me, just like I do about them.

At the end of the day, mostly none of it matters, it's just easier to be authentic and straightforward all the time.

Maybe the anxiety were not irrational, but I can choose not to have it anyways.

[borroka]

I used to think that way, too. I used to tell myself, "This is who I am," "I am authentic," "Who cares what they think."

If your boss thinks you are an incompetent professional, or a rude and inadequate human being, or a weakling who gives in under pressure, it doesn't even matter if they are right or wrong, it's a big deal. The same goes for friends, family and all other people with whom we interact. We may or may not care, or care about some and not others, we may prefer "authenticity" to "appearance," but it is relevant. One thing I have learned over time: people think about you, not always and not all people. And you think about others, not all and not all the time.

The "no one cares what you do" is often an overreaction to insecurity.

[Aperocky]

It crosses boundary when it affects others though. i.e. in professional settings and performance related categories.

Being authentic does not translate to being a jerk or straight up sucking at work. But I don't quite worry about the fact that I'm growing bald or wearing a 15 year old tshirt half the time.

[borroka]

> But I don't quite worry about the fact that I'm growing bald or wearing a 15 year old tshirt half the time.

That's a very good example, and I use it for a question.

Let's say you are growing bald, you have been single for years, you have problems finding a partner, and it happens that (it is largely true according to my experience) women prefer men with hair (there are women who prefer bald, but having hair allows you to razor shave, so it means you can do hair and no hair).

It is expected that a hair transplant, for which you have the necessary money, will increase your chances of finding a partner from 10% to 70%, however you want to interpret these numbers.

Do you think that undergoing a hair transplant means (a) worrying excessively about the opinion of others, and thus you don't do it, (b) realizing that the world works a certain way and that listening to its feedback and adapting is, at least occasionally, a wise decision, and then having a transplant?

I am for (b) (I am a woman, but still).

[okumurahata]

If you change your physical appearance to increase the chances of finding a partner, you are increasing the chances of attracting the wrong people.

Why do you assume that attracting more people (b), or having a partner, is better than being single (a)?

I'm not sure if adapting is always better. Especially, when morality and rules in society are evolving constantly. If society prefered tattooed guys, over non-tattooed, should you embrace your personality (a) or put ink under your skin (b) to be more desirable?

I would choose (a).

[borroka]

If we began, correctly, according to genetic and sociological findings, to think that our behavior is as much defined by genes as our physical traits are, we would also begin to think differently about ourselves.

That is, we might begin to think that our generosity, intelligence, kindness, and admirable determination are as much a product of ourselves--that is, of our choices, sufferings, struggles, and genius--as a full head of hair or being long of legs.

But we tend to believe, especially in modern times (think about the ancient Greek "kalokagathìa"), that our character, our intelligence should be admired and make candid souls fall in love with us.

In contrast, physical traits that are not so popular, say, among the ladies--whether being short, bald or graceful in movement like an elephant in a china shop--we tend to believe, or want to believe, that are of little importance, something circumstantial, which only superficial people would focus on.

[Aperocky]

> you have problems finding a partner

See this is where the train stop for me.

I'm pretty utilitarian about things like this, being authentic here just means I don't quite care if my hair is gone, but if someone who I do care about cares about that my hair stays, I might be convinced to go through some of these hoops.

What I'm trying to get at is that most people are way too concerned about things that does not really matter. Either other people form an opinion that has no relevance, or that other people don't have an opinion but anxiety kicks in and one think they do. There are perfectly valid cases where opinions will have an impact but they are mostly going to be very obvious and rare in between.

[bergenty]

It’s not easy to just stop caring about what people think of you or a lot of people would do it. We’re built to respond to social pressure whether we like it or not. The few that can not care (ie sociopaths) do incredibly well in our current society.