[dpifke]

If you can prove you've suffered damages due to this (which maybe you can, if it affected your employment), you could sue John Doe, which would get you subpoena power against OKCupid.

You probably wouldn't be able to collect from the scammer (who is likely in another country), but I guarantee you'll get OKCupid's legal department's attention, and they might be able to put a stop to it.

The lawsuit would also create a paper trail that you can use to exonerate yourself in the future.

Sadly, this is unlikely to be the sort of case an attorney would take on contingency.

[impersonated]

Thank you. I hadn't considered legal options. I would prefer not to have a public lawsuit attached to my name -- I know, that's the point, but I don't want to call attention to this.

I'm thinking about doing something private but formalized, like having a lawyer send a letter to OKCupid summarizing recent events and demanding they take down profiles impersonating me. I could share that letter with my (new) employer if another victim ever contacted them directly. I know it wouldn't really prove anything, but it might be convincing to HR. Last time, the HR representative didn't seem to believe me, which definitely made me feel terrible and theoretically could have affected my career.

[29083011397778]

> but I don't want to call attention to this

I mean, neither does OKCupid. If they don't want to play ball, going wide (notably, with an attorney) only seems to benefit you: current and future employers see it's not actually you doing this, OKCupid risks losing the only thing they want (women that trust the app), and other women get a heads up.

[dvtrn]

The lawsuit would also create a paper trail that you can use to exonerate yourself in the future.

Thanks to the tragedy of a common name in my country, I’ve had to petition multiple jurisdictions to procure paperwork for a very similar reason.

Only became a necessity when applying for a job and being asked, once the background check came back for someone who had not only the same name but also birthdate 700 miles away if I had been convicted of extortion and blackmail.

How that had never come up before I hit my late thirties is anyone’s guess, since the conviction was recent enough to get someone looking more closely, but not so long ago that again I’m surprised that moment was the first anyone had asked me about it after doing a background check.

Long story short, a few letters to the jurisdictions in question and $500 worth of help from a local attorney and I soon had official papers saying “No, the Bob Loblaw applying for your job is not THAT Bob Loblaw we threw the book at.”