[matthewsmith2]

Your comment reads a bit like this:

I am creative. If you are not, it is because you lack the willpower.

Funnily enough, it is the reverse expectation that is often placed. "If you can't concentrate, it's because you lack the willpower" etc.

I lived under this burden that something was wrong with me my whole life; that I had some character flaw that made me unsuccessful at things that other people find easy.

And then I was diagnosed with ADD. And then I was prescribed drugs. And then I discovered what it was like to be a normal human being. It turns out that it took just 35 milligrams of a single substance to allow me to focus just like other human beings can, and get through a normal work day like other human beings can.

The point of my story is this: people are wired differently. It is not a character flaw that someone doesn't have an attribute that you should think they have. It is not a lack of willpower or focus.

I have a highly creative brain. It is clear that there is something that causes my brain to make connections faster than most others. And, that thing also helps me make new and random connections in a way that most others will never experience.

This thing, this creative spark, is also my ADD. My brain is constantly taking me on weird and wonderful journeys. I don't choose it, it just happens. And the same thing in reverse. I don't choose to lose focus. It just happens. My brain is constantly making noise and interrupting me. It just happens.

[SeanAnderson]

May I ask how you know your new, medicated behavior is representative of how normal human beings think?

I don't consider myself to have ADD, but I have taken Adderall. It increased my ability to focus, focusing on tasks is rewarded in society, and I felt like the positive effects of it made me a better version of myself. I stopped because I didn't appreciate some of the negative side-effects.

It seems common for people who take stimulants to feel like they're a better version of themselves while experiencing the positive side-effects of the medication irrespective of an ADD diagnosis. If you agree, I wonder how you came to the conclusion you were at a competitive disadvantage compared to the norm rather than simply having a leg-up against the norm once medicated.

And sorry if probing is disrespectful. No ill intent here. Just idle curiosity.

[matthewsmith2]

'I wonder how you came to the conclusion you were at a competitive disadvantage compared to the norm'

Happy to answer. I've been fired four times, and have only narrowly avoided being fired a few other times. The only reason they didn't fire me in those circumstances was I had managers who didn't have the heart to let me go.

I nearly lost my marriage partly due to my undiagnosed ADD.

There is a look in people's eyes when they have utterly given up on you; when they just cannot comprehend how someone can be so incompetent at basic tasks and unable to function, yet so good at high level tasks. I've seen that look too many times.

Initially, they would love me for the creativity and strategic thinking. But then after causing fire after fire after fire through the most trivial errors from lack of concentration, you slowly, slowly see them lose faith in you.

I could go on, but you get me.

Obviously I can't know how a 'normie' sees and feels, but when I take my drug, all of a sudden I can sit down and work all day like my wife and (most of my) colleagues can, rather than being in a constant state of distraction-resistance.

With drugs, my ratio of good days to bad days has completely changed. I'm 37 years old and this is the first time I've ever gotten 18 months into a job and been in a situation where everyone still thinks I'm doing great. Normally by this time I'm getting the wooden stares.

[astrange]

Stimulants make you better than baseline on some tasks, but definitely not all of them, and not all creative ones. (Especially if you lose out on sleep or your teeth start falling out from abusing them.)

It's usually pretty obvious if you have ADD, and it's not "you're bad at your job", it's more like "everything outside your job is falling apart". Your job provides enough stress to concentrate on it most of the time.

Adderall also doesn't make you "more stimulated" like caffeine does - a regular psychiatric dose should make you a little calmer, since your life isn't falling apart anymore.