I'm curious whether the "new"(ish) segment heap would address some of the author's issues.
It's poorly documented, so I can't find a reference explaining what it is on MSDN save for a snippet on the page about the app manifests[1]. There's some better third-party "documentation"[2] that gets into some specifics of how it works, but even that is light on the real-world operational details that would be helpful here.
Chrome tried it out and found[3] it to be less than suitable due to its increased CPU cost, which might presage what Erik would see if they enabled it.
https://blogs.windows.com/windowsexperience/2020/05/27/whats...
It mentions that the segment heap is used by default for UWP apps and reduces memory usage of Edge.