[ComradePhil]

They need to learn how to be in relation to people who know and care about them, not other random kids (some of whom will be abused at home and hence abusive at school) and the teachers, some of whom will be extremely incompetent, emotionally abusive, pedophiles or all of that.

There's absolutely no way sending a kid to school is better for their social life in any way.

[anon291]

100% agree. I am in touch with exactly 1 (yes 1) friend from elementary / middle school. If I stretch, I can say that there are 3 that I would actually want to talk to beyond this guy.

I am a silicon valley executive making mid six figures. They're ... not, and not because they didn't have the same opportunities. Because of terrible life choices that I could easily have made myself, but, by the grace of God, did not. Amongst my classmates there's premarital pregnancies, domestic violence, lots of unemployment, prison time, etc.

The same is true of my brother and sister-in-law. She comes from an extremely poor family, but managed to make something of herself by going into accounting. Yet, her family is filled with pre-marital pregnancy, deadbeat men, and even some violence. This stuff also existed in her schools. She managed to escape by keeping her head down and avoiding trouble.

Honestly, any of us could have ended up in this 'socialized' group, but didn't. That was because we resisted peer pressure. All of us were extremely awkward kids. You'd consider us poorly socialized. Yet, we've 'made it', and the popular kids didn't.

Of course, then I think of my now-wife, who grew up in much more privilege than we did. Her parents were highly educated (post-graduate) and were extremely deliberate in her schooling, her peer group, etc. While not technically homeschooling, my mother in law carefully crafted my wife's friend group and even took her out of classes if she didn't like the kids or thought the teacher was bad. She didn't have to put up with half the crap my brother, myself, or my sister-in-law had to put up with.

I'm choosing the latter method for our kids, even if that means homeschooling them and using the public schools as a backup.

EDIT: since I've seen religion come up here. My mother-in-law was and is a staunch atheist. My parents and sister-in-laws family are devoutly religious. Not all homeschoolers are religious. While I am religious, that is not the reason we are considering home schooling our daughters

[bequanna]

Bingo. It seems like people ignore the huge social risks that sending kinds to public entails and write it off as something children should “learn to deal with”.

Do you know who your child is spending time with at school? I hope so, because they will likely have more influence over your child’s development than you.

If your children aren’t going to a highly selective, highly supervised school, good luck. It’s a crapshoot. Maybe they befriend “good” kids…maybe not.

For example, my nephew is 6 and was playing with a female classmate who (for whatever reason) is already using sexual language and her play is inappropriate. Should my young nephew just “learn to deal” with that?

[itronitron]

That triggers two memories for me, 1) having a classmate in middle school that would regularly boast about drinking a 'rum and coke' on his way to school in order to start the day off right, and 2) hearing that my child's school was having the 3rd grade GT class (which my child was in) teach the second graders how to read, and of course several of those second graders were older than my third grader.