[BitwiseFool]

Likewise, why would you imagine that an uninformed reader would see the word "plummet" and understand that none of these satellites are in immediate danger of re-entry, that they will in-fact continue to stay aloft for several more months, and that in this context plummet means an orbit decaying an order of magnitude faster than expected?

You are correct, one of the meanings of plummet is a rapid descent. These satellites are rapidly descending. You are correct.

Again, though, word choice matters. Can you see where other commenters and I are coming from?

[cardiffspaceman]

Remember that Star Trek movie trailer wherein the Enterprise (or a similar) spacecraft seemed to drop like the string had been cut? That's what I picture with "plummet".