[wpietri]

Maybe they didn't mind. But I've definitely heard friends in various non-dominant groups tell stories about the racist, sexist, or anti-gay bias they've listened to politely because they liked their jobs more than they liked being honest about the fact that they thought their co-workers were irredeemable assholes. No way to tell, really.

I will say, though, that the experience is very different when you're part of the dominant group. As a white male in the US, when people make jokes about some portion of my mongrel ancestry, it really doesn't matter. But when I was living in South America, jokes about Americans had a whole new edge to them. Sometimes they really were funny and welcome. But sometimes they weren't because the person really had something against gringos. That was at times really uncomfortable, and I occasionally wondered what it meant for my physical safety. I still laughed either way, though. Ha! Ha ha!

[wccrawford]

I found it hard to believe they didn't mind, even if I know I wouldn't. In 1 case, I was sure the person minded, but he told me repeated that he didn't. This person was an excellent coder, and ended up quitting a couple years later. The quit was probably for some of the other working conditions that didn't go well with his personality (he couldn't say 'no', they kept asking unreasonable things) but I think the whole package mattered.

I also see your point about it mattering more when you aren't part of the majority, or if you felt there might be a threat to your person.