[fristechill]

Equally disturbing is the fact that many married men are being encouraged to participate in a permanent state of ersatz courtship known as 'date nights'. What's the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1HgQbXFEE

[rtkaratekid]

"Dating" during marriage is just a way to make sure you set aside time to keep a relationship healthy. It doesn't need to be "a permanent state of ersatz courtship". My wife and I go on hikes, work in the yard together and play board games. Many other couples do similar things. Again, it's just a way to set aside time to focus on a relationship in the hustle and bustle of life.

[Broken_Hippo]

I'm pretty sure "date night" is some folks' way of scheduling time together, especially when they have children.

[ceejayoz]

> What's the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates?

Maintaining the relationship?

[willismichael]

What's the point of owning a home if you still have to pay for maintenance?

What's the point of graduating from college if you still have to put effort into developing your skills?

[fristechill]

Apologies--I seem to have touched a nerve here. There are worse things than dates, I'm sure, e.g. hookup apps

[commandlinefan]

I mean, dude... if you're married to somebody you don't want to spend any time with - you might be married to the wrong person.

[fristechill]

Yes I agree. I'm totally in favour of married life and family life. However calling something by a name isn't necessarily the same as what the name superficially implies.

At the very least it's an interesting cultural phenomenon if 'dates' are transmuting from something people are supposed to do before they get married, in order to get married, into something they're supposed do after marriage.

Clearly 'date night' is more important to people than I knew. Partly for this reason, I doubt it will be sufficient to save or maintain marriage, the institution, beyond a generation or two. It reminds me of the concept of quality time which was introduced in the 70s/80s at the same time as divorce was skyrocketing and children were being increasingly neglected. Yet who can gainsay it? Who doesn't want more 'quality time'?

It's very sad and I'm sorry to have brought it up.

[NeoTar]

Because dates are supposed to be fun - the best kind of a date should be with your married partner - no 'do they like me' debate running through your head, no 'I wonder what they look like naked'. You can be completely comfortable with each other.

[snapcaster]

If you're not joking, I think the reasons are pretty clear. As a cis straight man, it's a useful way to signal your partner's importance to you. It's an opportunity for your partner to make herself look good and get dressed up which improves her mood and well being. It's also a good way to avoid letting all your time being doing your own thing or sitting around on your phones and make it clear that you aren't taking your partner or the relationship for granted