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by billjings 1471 days ago
My personal view is that this worldview, the one that that views my inability to "function" in school, work, etc. as attributable to a clinical disorder treatable by medication, was incorrect.

ADHD is defined as a disorder of executive function: that is, an individual with ADHD is unable to do what they wish to do. This was an accurate description of me; to this day, finding and working toward my goals is something I'm constantly working on.

But if I look back on my childhood, I see that there was never a time when I had space to figure out how to understand and execute my own wishes in the world. Indeed, within my own family it was not recognized that I had a will of my own at all.

Medication helped cope with this state of affairs, but it never helped repair it. So e.g. if I found I didn’t much like being a student, I could take a stimulant and improve my ability to perform as a student. But taking that medication did nothing to help me solve that key equation: to do something I want to do, that other people also want me to do for them.

So my answer to the problem posed by an ADHD diagnosis is growth: I had to start as an autodidact, but as I’ve grown into my adulthood I’ve found friends, mentors, and peers along the way who help me find my way. The world is making it harder and harder to get, but it’s out there.

1 comments

Perhaps a personal question, but how did you become better at recognizing and executing your wishes?
That's kind of the work of life, isn't it? So it's a long story.

It probably started with reading _Delivered From Distraction_ years ago. I tried a bunch of stuff in that book. Nothing was a silver bullet (because there is no silver bullet), but I have to give credit to that book for inspiring me.

Nowadays if I'm writing, journalling, praying, and getting honest feedback from friends regularly I'm probably on the straight and narrow. But I try not to be too hard on myself: life isn't a contest, after all.

Sense of self, personal agency, serotonergic psychedelics.