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by dgottlieb
5340 days ago
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A lot of the arguments I hear about why making jokes of women in computer fields is wrong is that these jokes make women (and some men) uncomfortable which is irreproachably wrong. I couldn't respond to the thread directly on google because I was uncomfortable expressing any sympathy for Adam. I felt people I know would judge me in a negative light if they saw it in their feed. I feel here, the thin layer of anonymity/indirection is enough to say this small tidbit. I don't think Adam woke up that morning, or any morning in fact, and thought to himself that he wants to hurt or harm anyone, physically or emotionally. I think Adam is a good person as are the vastly overwhelming majority of the human population. I feel the continuation of being hostile towards him by some posters (including Shifra despite accepting the apology) after he apologized is unwarranted and furthermore, unproductive. Adam ate a huge piece of humble pie by posting that, regardless of whether the joke was meant in good faith or not and for others to come back with more negativity just encourages others that make a similar mistake in the future to not acknowledge it as such. People that want to participate in a reasonable debate focused on results can have their voices oppressed by a feeling of discomfort. I'm not sure if I have anything of real value to add to the women in IT issue (and I'm sure most people that do also doubt the value of their own ideas), but I can say I am one person who is dissuaded of trying to help the issue because I don't want to offend people or alienate them and make them uncomfortable. |
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I went through 22 months of withdrawal from medication fairly publicly while a member of an email list. I was incapable of keeping both feet out of my mouth and it seemed to not matter how hard I tried, things just came out all wrong. I wrote many heart-felt, sincere apologies. I had no agenda in terms of my public reputation or whatever. My only intent was to take genuine responsibility for my actions in spite of the burden I was living with and to try to take away whatever hurt I had done.
The result? I became the list scapegoat and if some asshole attacked me out of the blue for no apparent reason on some flimsy excuse, the entire list went "there she goes again!" It's been, oh, maybe six or eight years since then. Some of those folks have never forgiven me. I no longer feel responsible for their on-going hostility. They have a personal issue.
I'm a lot less apologetic than I used to be. Someone once said (in essence) that real justice must mean justice for both sides.