[kube-system]

> If you answer immediately, you will "ummmm uhhh" a lot. Learn to take a breather and buy time.

Some of the best advice I've ever gotten for this was: If you're pausing to think, just be silent. Practice for a while and have someone call you out on it. It's a hard habit to break, but someone who doesn't fill space with "um" will sound twice as smart.

[kettro]

A coworker I had (a good friend and an _amazing_ engineer) would generally just pause silently and think after a question. It was initially off putting, and I couldn’t tell what was happening, but very quickly got used to it. I started doing it myself, but start with a short “hmm” to indicate that I’m now thinking about the question, or just say “let me think”.

Waiting helps you ignore the impulse responses, and double check if you heard the question correctly, whence you can just ask for clarification.

No one complains about a sorta slow speaker, but a frenetic one is hard to follow and will blurt things out.

[ruh-roh]

Using silence strategically is a superpower.

Best leader I ever worked with had a "7 second silence" rule. Just don't say anything for 7 seconds. Requesting input on a topic/idea in a meeting? Wait in silence for 7 seconds. Dropping an important point in a presentation? Wait for 7 seconds. Not sure of the answer to a question? Wait for 7 seconds. If you have doubt about what to say or do? Just wait and breathe for 7 seconds.

It is extremely difficult to do in practice. But it is crazy what a breather can do to help you organize your thoughts. Or what other people will do to fill the void.

(Note: It's not a novel idea, I've seen other folks use 5, 6, or 8 seconds. imo 7 is _just_ on the border of uncomfortable.)

[muzani]

I think it's off-putting if you ask someone a question and they stare into your eyes for 7 seconds.

"Hmm" and "That is a good question" are good loading indicators. "Errr" and "Uhh" are loading indicators too, just a little harsher. You can be silent and look at the ground, finger to chin, as long as it's clear you'retthinking.

[lostcolony]

Yep. "Hmm, give me a second to think on that" is my favorite pause to collect my thoughts. Take a minute to flip through my prepared stories, potentially think through ones I haven't prepared but that might fit better, settle on one, decide the beats I need to hit to best answer the question, and then "Okay. One time..."

[grandchild]

It's an especially hard habit to break for people who are "Team Interrupt", because we learn to cling to the speaker position in normal group conversations this way. People from "Team Wait" are probably much more natural in staying silent for a second (I wouldn't know for sure, but I think I'm observing this in others).

[1] Team Interrupt/Team Wait: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/LuXb6CZG4x7pDRBP8/wait-vs-in...

[SenHeng]

Some good examples by Elon Musk and Steve Jobs described in this article.

https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/why-intelligent-minds-like...

This was probably one of Steve Job's most impressive example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF-tKLISfPE

[gcanyon]

I clicked to double check, but I knew what Jobs clip you were linking to. That answer is so well done.