[mucio]

Move to Germany. Probably you had to move a bit earlier for you to enjoy the full parental leave here, but grandparents will be a great support.

Do not worry much about the small village, actually use the opportunity (lower costs) to invest in your German (learn as much as you can with classes and talking with the people around you).

Quality of life in Germany is much better than in the USA. Kita places are hard to find in Berlin, but you will be probably more lucky in a small town.

When you daughter will be 6 she will start school, and in Germany kids cannot skips school days, so you will be forced to stay put except for the short holidays during the year (when everybody is travelling too), my suggestion is to see Bavaria as a starting point to visit Italy, Austria, Germany and other countries around (at least for the first years).

Regarding careers as SWE you both should not have any problem. Worst case scenario they will require you to go to the office for a couple of days once the pandemic is finished, but it will be quite hard to enforce that :)

Also your kids will not do shooters drills in school

[mcv]

Yeah, the US sounds rather hostile to raising children, from everything I hear. Not just the school shootings, but also being unable to play outside, no biking to school, and the way politics seems eager to politicise everything about education there.

I'd definitely pick Germany. Actually, I'd pick Netherland, because that's where kids are apparently the happiest in the world, but Germany sounds like a great alternative.

And grandparents nearby is a boon to any young parent.

[joedissmeyer]

"Yeah, the US sounds rather hostile to raising children".... As a lifelong US citizen with three kids of my own, I do feel there there is some truth here. In my opinion most of the school systems across the USA have shifted to treating children as burdens instead of blessings. I would argue this has happened enmasse in the culture at large and getting worse over the last 20 years. Perhaps a big portion of the problem is that we don't take good care of our teachers first and foremost.

[klipt]

Is rural Germany friendly towards foreigners, especially non white ones?

I've heard in Germany (and Europe in general) you'll forever be a stranger, while America is more of a melting pot and immigrants are allowed to become Americans.

[tjansen]

No experience of my own, as I am German, but there are idiots everywhere, including Germany. Before I start, I let me emphasize that I do not condone what I am going to describe, I am just describing it from my perspective.

I think it's more important how you dress than the color of your skin. If you dress in your home country's traditional clothes, you will probably experience more hostility than when you are wearing western clothes. The color of your skin will also be a factor, certainly more so than in the US, but usually hostility is based on your assumed (based on your looks) religion and values than the actual skin color. In the end, people are tribal, in rural Germany more so than in cities, and whether they accept you and how they treat you depends on whether they can relate to you.

I think language is the main factor why immigrants often will be strangers forever. Your social circle will be very limited if you don't speak German near-perfectly. But I would assume the same in the US if you don't speak English very well, and even then it's very difficult. At least that's what I have heard from Germans who moved to the US.

In bigger cities there are usually local expat communities where English is spoken, but you won't find many in rural Germany (unless you are close to a US military base or similar things). I think the best way to find them is on Facebook.

[pwinnski]

I think people around the world underestimate just how much support there is in the US for things like "broken English" and immigrants generally. There are some high-profile political counter-examples, of course, but by and large, immigrants still find the US much more welcoming to immigrants than most other countries.

That doesn't mean it's safer, and we still often struggle with delivering health care, but it's a weirdly welcoming place.

[igetspam]

> The color of your skin will also be a factor, certainly more so than in the US

You sure about that. Out police force is known for being more liberal about shooting people based on skin color. I'm not German so I won't argue with you but I don't get the impression that there's as much institutional racism there.

[tjansen]

Darker skin tones are very rare in most parts of Germany, especially in rural areas. There are lots of immigrant from Turkey, southern Europe, Asia and northern Africa, so it's not like everybody is pale white. But truly dark skin is something most people are not used to and will definitely stand out. Much more than in the US. Police is known to use racial profiling in many cities - which race also depends on who is controlling the illegal drug market in that city. There are many people complaining about racial profiling. Police shootings are not an issue though, for any skin color.

[gamechangr]

Broken English is very accepted in the US.

Some would go as far as to say that there is good feelings for those who try to speak the language after all, most Americans were immigrants a few generations back.

[mcv]

I think every European country has a naturalisation process similar to the US. And the US clearly has no shortage of xenophobia, considering the support for the previous president there.

How much you will truly be accepted depends a lot on where you are. Some places, like New York or Amsterdam, are very cosmopolitan. Rural areas often a lot less so. Munich probably more than the Bavarian country side.

[hdjjhhvvhga]

> no biking to school

What is the rationale for this?

[xeromal]

Helicopter parent fear of the boogieman. A few messed up kidnappings of children in the 70s caused a news media frenzy and now everyone is afraid of anything that moves.

Heck, a neighbor's small daughter crashed her bike and started crying near me. I went out to help and immediately turned around as a 25 year old dude because honestly I didn't want to go to jail. It's essentially impossible to be a single man alone in the presence of a small child. It's way too risky these days.

We've fallen to commoditization of "the village" services. No more are people taking care of neighbors children out of friendship or helping someone build a fence, etc. We now pay for everything and with that, our duty to our fellow neighbors/man/even family has eroded. We're isolating and compartmentalizing every relationship and every interaction and I personally believe it's the doom of our cooperation as a people in the US.

[mcv]

From what I understand, US cities are generally not designed with bicycle infrastructure in mind. Bicycling is seen as a dangerous activity for the real enthusiast, rather than something that everybody does.

[joss82]

> Also your kids will not do shooters drills in school

This.

Also you will pay a bit more taxes but since you have kids, those taxes will be offset by the plethora of free or cheap services you will get for your children: kindergarten, school, and higher education.

[lazypenguin]

Good grandparents are underrated!