[fnordpiglet]

I’ve had similar situations and I empathize with you. I like to “own” things and build and feel excited about what I’m involved in. Collecting money for being alive and sharing wisdom sometimes when called upon leaves me very depressed. Everyone says “what a great job! Do whatever you want!” But what I want to do isn’t a side gig, I enjoy earth changing adventures in building amazing stuff that’s really important and hasn’t been done before. I enjoy the excitement of inventing new things as I fall asleep. I don’t get that from side projects.

Conversely I enjoy throwing myself into an empty pool head first and it leads to burnout and high stress levels that impact my health. So I swing between these poles in my career.

[handmodel]

I relate to that. I have some personal side projects that I enjoy though I worry they may not be sustainable if I start to have a family. Before this job I very much had a job I had complete ownership over and really loved it - even though it was not very well paying.