[hosteur]

If this is the case then why wouldn’t workplaces create lots of strong friendships? There is a lot of shared context. I’m not sure I buy author’s brushing this away as being because coworkers are trained to replace you. There is lots of competition in school and college also.

[Enginerrrd]

In my experience, workplaces HAVE created lots of strong friendships in my life.

Though, it's interesting, it varies tremendously by workplace culture and the work you're doing. In my jobs doing manual labor or jobs involving a lot of boring hanging out (as a cashier / supervisor / lifeguard) I made lots of friendships. In jobs where it's been primarily knowledge work, I had a lot of good acquaintances, but rarely did that turn into more. I think that being able to talk makes a big difference. It's worth noting though that when I was a lifeguard, I was a long lived employee surrounded by short term employees. The culture was in flux. There are times when I fit in and we became good friends (which remain to this day) and there are times when I didn't fit in or like the people and didn't make any friends. The manual labor jobs produced more lasting friendships than the lifeguarding for whatever reason. Something about actually suffering with others and working toward common aims and being able to talk about stuff produced the best friendships. (I also think that the nature of the work filtered out some of the lower quality people too, and that played a role.)

[armchairhacker]

I doubt “coworkers trying to replace you” has much of an impact.

The bigger issue with some workplaces is that they’re not really close-quarters, because they’re very impersonal. Sure you might be all in the same room a lot, but you’re largely discussing business stuff or working independently. Even corporate “parties” and retreats can be surprisingly professional and unnatural. It’s almost like you don’t really “interact” with the person, you interact with their business facade.

If you’re not just talking business with your coworkers, you’re actually talking about life and hanging out and not having a fake professional personality, then you do form friendships. I say this from experience.

Though talking about non-professional things and not putting on a facade also makes you vulnerable, so those companies where everyone is competing against each other happen to be the ones where everyone is impersonal.

[Karrot_Kream]

It does. A lot of younger knowledge workers (not at all restricted to STEM) make good friends in their first job because of shared context. Eventually increased responsibility through experience means you necessarily open yourself up less and spend more time mentoring, guiding, or otherwise leading.

[Dracophoenix]

The workplace is more like a relay race than a basketball team. Everyone may share the same project, but they all have different parts to it, and are unlikely to share the same or a sufficiently similar understanding of it.

[bobsmooth]

Pretty much every friend I have is a co-worker.

[zeroonetwothree]

Friends happen when you spend time with the same people in different contexts. That’s why most workplace relationships don’t result in friends.

[renewiltord]

Workplaces do create lots of strong friendships. In the past, they were also one of the biggest sources of romantic relationships. Though that has changed, people are still friends through work.

[bitcurious]

To make friends you need to make mistakes. Litigation culture in the workplace prevents that.

[jacquesm]

I don't see this. I've yet to be afraid of being sued by a co-worker and after a couple of decades I can assure you that I've made plenty of mistakes.

[bitcurious]

In the edge case, your failed-friend coworker would sue the corporation.

This would cost corporation money.

The corporation doesn’t care about you having friends, but does care about losing money. As such structures the workplace to minimize the sorts of free expression that creates “shared context” but also creates room for error - discussions of politics, religion, your health, ethnicity, age, etc. - topics that in the best case build trust and curiosity and lead to friendship.

My comment isn’t a commentary on people - who are mostly loving, reasonable, and forgiving. It’s a commentary on incentives and the structures those incentives lead to.

[slothtrop]

If you aren't more guarded around co-workers than your friends, maybe you should be.

[jacquesm]

Why on earth would a co-worker sue me?

[slothtrop]

Suing? They can get you terminated, or hinder your advancement. Anything that can be construed as reflecting badly on you or the company can be used against you.

[Sirened]

is this a thinly veiled complaint about being hit with sexual harassment complaints? The simple trick to solve this problem is not to sexually harass your friends either

[nickff]

Why did you make two logical leaps just to arrive at an accusation?

From the HN Guidelines: " Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith. "

[eyelidlessness]

Having backed out of including a reply with my downvote—which I seldom do, but couldn’t find a productive response in me despite some effort—I’m curious what your charitable interpretation is. I went through all of mine, and none of them reflected well on the commenter.

[bitcurious]

Bizarre but illustrative that I have to defend myself against a nebulous “uncharitable interpretation.”

Are you free (according to corporate policy) to ask your coworkers about religion, health, romance, politics, ethnicity, etc.?

I’m comfortable discussing all of the above with my friends, yet each is to some extent restricted in the professional context, either by default or with seniority.

[MrJohz]

Not the previous commenter, but yes? I have literally never worked in a place where talking about that has been forbidden. I mean, talking about it offensively is obviously not on the table, but I've discussed literally every single one of those with colleagues before.

Is this a cultural thing? I'm from the UK, and I'm working now in Germany. Perhaps things are different in the US?

[bitcurious]

No? It’s lived experience, having seen a culture other than American, I can assure you that how most folks communicate at work is guarded, and very controlled. The folks that speak freely don’t get ahead.

Your comment is a great example actually - imagine being presumed a sexual harasser because of your attitude towards tort law! I wouldn’t want my coworkers to take such leaps. Much easier to avoid the question of loneliness in America.

[Sirened]

You say this, but this is also my lived experience. I have worked with and interacted with many who bemoaned the rise of ""PC culture"" and complained they couldn't ""make jokes anymore"" when in reality they were just getting in trouble for harassing their coworkers.