[taylorius]

I think you're right - I will talk to someone before doing anything drastic.

I've taken more than enough of people's time today (thank you and others for your insights - they are really useful). I did want to clarify something about my thoughts though - it's not that they're always dark and horrible at all - but they are rather opaque to an outsider. As I mentioned, I grew up alone for large swathes of time, and I learned to have conversations with myself, as a form of companionship. Such conversations form my inner life - but its difficult to let someone else in on them. As an example, here's Bill Burr with a story about muffins, which I relate to so much - it still makes me cry with laughter even though I've watched it about 1000 times. :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnOg01N1u3w

[jjfoooo6]

There's nothing anyone appreciates more than a listening ear to unsolicited advice on the internet :)

Thanks for the clip, Bill Burr is hilarious