[zeptonix]

Yeah, the problem w/ this theory is that they're still narcissists. You can do all the above and perhaps you'll succeed in convincing yourself you're having a "rewarding & meaningful interaction" ... but the "reward" and "meaning" for the narcissist is in what interacting with you does (and can be made to do) for them, especially and even ideally at the expense of you. It actually sounds a bit like the point of this post is to establish that you yourself are special for being able to get along with a narcissist -- which is exactly what they'd like you to be thinking and just sets you up even more so to be taken advantage of by them. For whatever it's worth.

[benlivengood]

Some narcissists understand the idea of mutually beneficial exchanges. If they do, you can trade with them. If they don't and are always angling for the advantage ("winning" discussions or negotiations) or pretend that all transactions are zero sum then go no-contact with them as much as possible.

[asveikau]

I feel like there is a danger of going through life sizing up people as narcissists and being selective about who you reveal yourself to. I've definitely been guilty of that myself. It can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Further, it strikes me as potentially encouraging use of the narcissist's tactics themselves, allegedly abhorrent as they are; one can just as easily re-brand your "no contact" as "silent treatment" and accuse you of being manipulative.

All that is to say ... Do what you want in who you choose to associate with, and it's ok to not let some people get too close. But try to avoid doing so in a judgemental, stigmatizing, labelling, or aggressive way. Keep these things lightly and open room for the idea that it's more of a simple misunderstanding rather than existential conflict. And don't stress about it too much.

[benlivengood]

I usually give people two or three chances to cooperate normally, and also will listen if they initiate a change in themselves later on that seems trustworthy.

I never know for sure whether someone suffers from narcissistic personality disorder or other dark triad traits so I rarely label them; but I can gauge the effect of their actions on me and that's the ultimate metric that matters. Even people with good intentions may produce hurtful and counterproductive actions and be unwilling or unable to learn and grow; there's no need to label or stigmatize them but I will, as you say, choose who I associate with to better my own life. It's helpful to remember that other adults are not owed time and attention; they are responsible for finding their own support networks to meet their needs in a mutually agreeable way. Obviously in a workplace no-contact isn't possible entirely but greyrocking works there.

It's just helpful to recognize the narcissistic traits and manipulative tactics that people sometimes use and respond appropriately to the tactics by enforcing boundaries, communicating my limits, refusing to get emotionally entangled, etc. Pretty much what standard therapy teaches.