[malux85]

I see this a lot and I’m curious - why can’t you stand being with yourself?

You touch on it a little when you say you begin to panic when you’re idle - what is the source of that panic? Is it FOMO? Is it un-processed traumatic memories? Is it unhinged neuroticism and overthinking? Is it something else? What is the source of that panic?

[supernihil]

I dont like my company because: I endlessly think about solutions to problems like personal budget, relationship to my kids mom, feeling alone and having no immediate people to talk to. That my mental illness is deteriorating. That my kids will inherit my ilness. Etc etc etc. And then i also spend too much time trying to figure out how other people function since i sincerely dont have an idea of what "normal behavior of lifestyle" looks like"

Both of these are traits of my skizotypical diagnosis being 'lack of identity' 'lack of understanding of how other people engage in life' 'emotional blindness' etc