[civilized]

A lot of really good stuff here, for example reaffirming YAGNI and a focus on customer value. One part I think falls short:

> Negativity begets negativity

I think this is coming from a very common and fundamentally misguided premise - the obsessive focus on emotional valence, on whether we're being positive or negative. The real problem is not whether we are being positive or negative, it's the rush to attach emotional valence to things we have not adequately understood or described. As C. S. Lewis said, "the human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define. It wants to make every distinction a distinction of value." This rush to emotional endpoints is the root of both toxic negativity and toxic positivity.

Instead of taking positivity and negativity as endpoints, take them as prompts to better understand your surroundings. You are feeling bad about something - why? What about it makes you feel that way? Would improving it cost more than it would benefit? Is it the least bad of the alternatives?

A willingness to feel and acknowledge and investigate your negative emotions is a superpower. It gives you x-ray vision into things that very few other people have. They look away from problems and let them fester because they've been taught to be allergic to negativity. The ability to look at problems is inseparable from what the author points out is a very important trait, the ability to roll up your sleeves and get stuff done.

[AnimalMuppet]

People are emotional, at least to some degree. Most people find emotions contagious. If you're surrounded by people being negative, it's draining, even if you don't give in to the negativity.

One think I would say the article is wrong on, though - snark doesn't have to lead to cynicism. At my place, we talk a fair amount of smack, but it's just entertainment. (One difference - the smack is self-directed at least as often as it's directed at any particular other person.)

[misternugget]

Author here. Just wanted to add that I don’t think all forms of snark, sarcasm, and cynicism are bad. Or even negativity! But what I learned the hard way is that there’s a time and a place for this and often it’s not “your team & whenever something pops in your head”. I very much agree with the GP here in that I value mindfulness when it comes to negativity.

[civilized]

I just wanted to say I loved your post and I think this is a very hard thing to articulate in our culture. Because you're absolutely right about the social impacts of many forms of negativity. But "negativity" seems too broad of a term for the thing we need to avoid. But then, what is the more precise alternative? I guess "mindless negativity" is something closer, at least.

[civilized]

On the other hand, if you model productive negative thinking and communication, people will be relieved that they have the space to express their problems, and you will accelerate genuine team bonding and psychological safety.

I have success stories from my personal experience doing this.

[chrsig]

I think some big things to consider is what the negativity is trying to accomplish, how is it presented, and is any solution presented?

Is there vindictiveness in the negativity? resentment? superiority? smugness? irritation? is it directed at a person, a process, a project?

Is the negativity being brought up just for the sake of complaining? to solicit empathy or solidarity?

Is the negativity specific? actionable?

Those may be valid feelings, and great things to examine...and then probably keep to yourself, and find productive ways to either soothe/cope or change the environment/root causes.

I say this as someone that endeavors to do what you've described in your initial post, but also as someone that struggles with adhd/depression, keeping it to myself can be it's own struggle. And then I worry that I've rained on my coworkers parade, or that I've worsened their work environment.

People have something of a battery when it comes to this sort of thing, and it can definitely be drained, so it's important to be conscientious of that.

Mindfulness exercises and meditation help me a great deal with all of the above, by doing what you suggest, and being inquisitive about the feelings. And also being aware of how the body is behaving during those feelings.

[civilized]

Yeah, doing negativity right isn't easy! It's essential to look inward for how the expression might impact people.

[ilrwbwrkhv]

This is very well said. I am trying to practice this myself as I find myself to be very mercurial. I have been going through the book living untethered by michael a. singer to guide the way.