[albrewer]

This is what I try and do with my kids. They're elementary school age - if you tell them "go clean your room", they will melt down because the problem is too big for them to understand how to fix it.

Conceptually, they know they just need to put one thing away at a time, but often their emotions kick in first and short circuits rational thought. I help them through this by sitting in the room with them and just calling out 3 things that can easily be put away and tell them to just do those 3 things. Then we will do it again, and again, and again, and ....., until the room is close to being clean and they can finally take care of themselves.

I also point out the phenomenon to them - I call it their "monkey brain" impulse, which I use to describe any impulsive or avoidant behavior. I also use "lizard brain" when they go into a blind rage against their sibling at some perceived slight or injustice, and %kid_name% brain for when rational thought and morality are piloting their actions. The framework seems to work for them, and helps them think about their thoughts (which is a concept I had to introduce to them, they'd literally never thought about doing that - I guess kids don't develop that until later?).

[ketzo]

I mean, there are lots of adults who don’t develop that separation. Most of us fail at it at least sometimes.

Seems like an excellent skill to practice so early. Love that.

[d1rk]

The best is, the kids learn how to reflect on their own behavior. Giving them the opportunity (at least, later on) if they want to react like this. Or do something else instead.

Good parenting in place.