[2pEXgD0fZ5cF]

> If other people find their ideal job, have a tropical vacation, etc. it makes me feel... good?

This sounds like a misunderstanding. Being happy for friends (real friends not "500 Facebook friends" friends) is not mutually exclusive with these news invoking bad feelings inside you (shame, feeling of inadequacy etc.)

[id]

It's not a misunderstanding. I'm also happy for complete strangers. Jeff Bezos is enjoying his Amazon money? Great for him.

Also, I can't relate to feelings of shame or inadequacy because someone has something good happening to them. If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same.

[antiframe]

> Also, I can't relate to feelings of shame or inadequacy because someone has something good happening to them. If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same.

Those two aspects feel like they are opposing one another. On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same. How is it that you feel adequately achieved in some area yet another's greater success motivates you to achieve more? Most people I know would label that feeling "inadequacy". They don't yet have something they want and strive to get it.

I think the way you label these emotions is unique relative to everyone else I've meet. You're the first person who can't relate to feeling inadequacy yet at the same time feels motivated by things others have achieved.

[cortesoft]

> On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same

That doesn't mean you are feeling inadequate. Being inspired doesn't mean you feel bad about yourself.

For example, whenever I watch really good basketball, it makes me want to go out and play myself. When I see someone playing a fun video game, it makes me want to play. I don't feel inadequate, I just want to participate in the fun and challenge.

[antiframe]

Maybe I'm using the word incorrectly then. There are two ways I can imagine feeling inadequate when seeing, for example, a post of someone on a Hawaiian vacation:

1. I have inadequate resources. I can never afford such fancy lodgings, etc. This is a pretty negative emotion.

2. I feel my vacationing has been inadequate. I should spend more time off with my loved ones. Where can I go in my time and dollar budget to better enjoy life?

I would call both feels one of being 'inadequate'. If I felt adequate, I would feel like I don't need any (more) vacations and not inspired to make any changes in my life.

At least that was my reading of id's comment that "If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same." Without any feeling of inadequacy, where does the motivation come from? Maybe I process these feelings differently than others, but for me without something to trigger the desire, I won't be motivated, and that trigger is in some sense something inadequate I want to improve about myself or my life.

[cortesoft]

What about the 3rd option:

3. I have adequate resources, but hadn't really thought about going on a Hawaiian vacation. Maybe I should start planning a tropical trip, that looks really fun!

Or even if you don't currently have the money saved up, maybe now that you see how fun a trip like that could be you want to start saving for it.

Basically, this is how I feel about my life and seeing people having fun doing stuff:

I like my life. I have a ton of things I enjoy doing, and I spend my free time cycling through those things I like. However, there are so many fun things to do I can't possibly do them all at once. I have a huge backlog of fun things to do, and I enjoy thinking about one day doing all of them. I don't feel bad that I can't do them all at once, because I am busy enjoying the fun things I am currently doing.

At the same time, there are many fun things to do that I haven't even thought about! I encounter new fun things all the time online, and when I see someone doing something that looks fun I think, "Wow, that looks cool! I might enjoy that someday!" So I will put it on my list of things to do, and maybe if it intrigues me enough I will try to move it up on the list. It might take some work to learn how to do the thing or to gain the resources to do it, but that doesn't bother me, because I like working to learn new things or save up resources. Working hard is one of the things I like doing!

Sometimes, I see someone having fun doing something and I have no interest in doing it myself, but I still really enjoy seeing someone else having fun doing it. I love seeing passionate people pursuing their hobbies. I find it fun to peer into subcultures that form around strange activities that I have no personal interest in, but love that there exists people who are super into it. The variety interests me.

[antiframe]

That third option I lump into my second option. Whenever I feel like "I should X" it's because I have inadequate X in my life. Whatever X may be. In my estimation, inadequacy is the driver of desire and not necessarily a negative, unhealthy emotion. But without it, I wouldn't have any desires. I have desires and I have feelings of healthy (positive) inadequacies.

I might be using the word differently than everyone else, but that's why I try to explain what I mean. If for you and id inadequacy can only be a negative feeling then I agree social media need not evoke that emotion, but for many people it often does. But I don't think inadequacy is necessarily a negative feeling. I can be a positive driving force.

[Teever]

To be clear here, what you're saying is that the feelings that others are describing are totally alien to you?

Like you can't understand that humans act this way in these situations?

I don't believe you.

[id]

I can understand, but I can't relate. I simply never had these feelings of envy, or it was too long ago to remember.

[jjulius]

Everybody sees/processes things differently.

[2pEXgD0fZ5cF]

I'm not doubting your ability to do that and I'm not saying that negative feelings come inherently with these kind of news. But surely you can see that these reactions can be pretty common for many people especially if they aren't happy with their own situations, and that those people can still feel happy when good things happen to others.

What I'm claiming is that a negative reaction (in terms of comparison) in this way and feeling happy for others are independent of each other.

[colpabar]

But you can see how some people may not think this way when they go online and see that seemingly everyone they've ever met is doing things that they can't afford or aren't able to do? If you can't relate, fine I guess, but what's the point of just saying "these problems don't affect me"?

[moffkalast]

> these news invoking bad feelings inside you (shame, feeling of inadequacy etc.)

Then perhaps it might make more sense to work on that instead, wouldn't it? I mean if we as a species became a little less jealous of each other, an utopia would be practically at hand.