[foxtrottbravo]

That‘s me but evermore so I‘m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As one sibling comment - I too have noticed this: I can remember friends of my parents showing by having a good time completely spontaneously. I liked it very much.

On the other hand I’m one of those people who get irrationally upset by random visits especially when it’s from family.

I guess that’s one reason why it’s so hard for me to be happy.

[ajmurmann]

The getting upset part is interesting. I have some theories, but am curious to hear why you think it makes you upset.

[foxtrottbravo]

I really find it hard to pinpoint the exact reason. In the moment the "surprise" is what feels overwhelming. I know it's paradox because on the other hand, that's what the interaction my parents and their friends had were - little surprises.

It feels a bit like wanting a surprise gift for Christmas (contrary to something you wished to get) but then being upset because you did not get what you wished for...

I would love, to hear your theories maybe this willhelp explore that feeling a bit more

[ajmurmann]

My theory is that we have so much entertainment and so many low-importance chores and tasks we put on ourselves that any unplanned event feels negative. One might have planned to go shopping, watch the latest episode of a show, read an article or watch a video that one stumbled over earlier in the day or similar. There is just no more idle or unplanned time. In the rare case that time is unplanned, it feels precious, although we did this to ourselves.

I recently started to only allow myself to watch tv on Friday evenings. I've also made a much stronger effort to limit social media consumption. I feel a lot less stressed and I think it's because there suddenly is no default way of filling time. Not only do I spend more time on things I actually value (musical instrument practice, reading books and working on my software projects), but I also think that I am much more often in a state where I'd be delighted, rather than stressed if friends or family suddenly stopped by. Unfortunately, I think this theory will never be put to the test. I am more excited though when friends message me.