I think there are a lot of FPLs, like Erlang (and friends) and F# (which is in TFA), Julia, which are #1 and at least mostly #2, with their concommittant benefits, without the pain in the ass for small benefit of #3
I think it is more like somebody wrote a blog post that said "FP rules, OO drools" and then other people thought "I'll write a blog post like that!"
Or maybe it is easy to find fault with programming languages you actually use and to idealize programming languages you don't use.
I imagine a world where Common LISP won and reddit/programming would be kvetching all the details CL got wrong while asking "How can I get a COBOL Job?", "Did you know that PHP syntax is based on Chomsky's generative grammar?"
I worked on a project that involved building a stream processing engine in Scala that heavily used Monads.
I remember being told by the manager what the error handling strategy was and thinking "This is like that Amway presentation where they 'draw circles' showing how 8 people get a cut of the $7 tube of toothpaste they sell you and then ask 'How can we beat the prices in the supermarket?', they strike the presentation board with a pointer and say 'By eliminating the middleman!'"
Now, they could have handled errors correctly with monads just as they could have handled errors correctly with exceptions, except that they didn't. That manager approved code review after code review where error handling was absent.
This really feels like most online communication and promoted blogs on the social medias (hacker news included) have gone to the "we're optimizing for tribe click throughs" rather than technical due diligence and excitement.
I like the CL spec as an early example of a spec for a language that balances performance and dynamism. In the big picture I'd say that it taught people how to write specs for languages like Java, Python, Javascript, etc.
CL was deeply unpopular at the time for quite a few reasons: it really had a 32-bit mindset which made it a bad fit for the machines many people had on their desktops at the time, also the language has enough performance-oriented details that it's not as simple as a LISP can be.