Hacker News new | ask | show | jobs
by apatters 1515 days ago
What you're doing doesn't sound like ghosting. Ghosting is cutting off contact without warning or regard for the psychological consequences.

It's very easy to not be a ghost, all you have to do is provide a kind resolution. If someone asks you out on another date but you don't want to see them again, you just say something like "I'm sorry, I've gotten really busy lately, if I do have the chance to get together, I'll reach out."

No further communication is necessary. You've given them a plausible excuse that doesn't shred their ego too much and indicated that you're not interested in continuing.

If you don't do this, some people will speculate that it was their fault, and beat themselves up. They may blame it on their weight, their looks, their personality, over time, it may erode their self esteem. So it's good etiquette to not be a ghost. Unfortunately millions of people don't care enough to bother.

2 comments

I agree that ghosting should be defined as actively not responding to someone who is trying to get in touch with you. But I would suggest that if someone is forcing the issue and asking to meet again, it’s better to respond with a polite version of “sorry, I am not romantically interested in you” than it is to say “maybe sometime”.
This isn't that great. Plenty of people will be waiting to be "reached out" to. This is like "I'll call you" then they don't. Just be less of a weasel and tell people straight that you personally aren't that interested, which is no ones fault. If you think they'll take it badly give them some reassurance to cushion a hurt ego.