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First, understand that you are trying to control them. This might sound odd, but it's true. You're trying to change their behaviour because you'd prefer it another way. Maybe that's because you want to be a good person or it hurts you to see them fail, but ultimately you have selfish motives. Secondly, realise that many people in their life have tried to control them before. They didn't all have pure motives. Many of them may have been wrong, in some ways significantly. From these two thoughts — deduce that _it is absolutely critical that this person can defend against bad advice._ Without that skill, they will be totally lost. Gullible, open to confusion, even abuse. You are fighting their social immune system and you need to prove that you can be trusted. If you fail, accept that you have failed for a good reason. Finally — and this is the most difficult part — frame your advice as a piece of information that will be believable and useful in the world of your listener rather than your own. How do you do this? Ask questions, seek to understand what they think, why they behave the way they do, their goals, their fears, who and what they respect. Once you've done this, reformulate your advice to fit the world you have discovered and try it out. This may include showing rather than telling. If it still doesn't work, try to understand what they heard and why it didn't add up to them. If you can do all of this, people will follow your advice much of the time. The catch is that you might find yourself changing your own views just as often. |