[anikan_vader]

>> I was working on a nuclear submarine and accidentally launched a preemptive nuclear first strike against a nuclear-armed nation. Apparently this triggered "world war 3" and now all of my homies have to report to the selective service office for immediate conscription. I tried explaining that it was just an accident (obviously a lie), but they didn't believe me. AITA?

YTA. You were working on a nuclear submarine, you triggered WW3 and now all of your friends have to report for the draft? And this is somehow your fault?

The only thing more idiotic than your statement is how fast you're trying to shift blame away from yourself... I mean, who else would be responsible for "triggering" world war 3 by accidentally launching a nuke at another country? At best, it was an accident caused by someone with authority allowing themselves to become negligent; at worst it was a deliberate act that intentionally destroyed the lives of millions to advance some nefarious goal.

>> I SQL-injected my way into my best friend's Facebook account to post about how much cooler and better-looking I am than him. This was after I saw him with a girl I liked (has he even heard of the bro code?). He said that I had violated the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act as well as his trust. I tried explaining that it was just a prank, bro. Now he's saying that he doesn't even want to be my friend, at least until the end of 8th grade. That's 2 whole weeks away! AITA?

NTA. He's just jealous, and he knows it. This is just a petty thing he's blowing up into something it isn't.