[theitgirl]

I once considered suicide too. It was for a different reason. My boyfriend of 2 years told me he got engaged to a woman his parents picked. I had just graduated from college, had no job, was still living with my parents and had no plans for the future. I just got more and more depressed..stopped eating and pretty much cried all the time. My best friend told me to "stop being a loser". My mom kept saying "why are you doing this to us?". Well, I felt like a loser and a burden to society...really, I would be doing a favor to everyone if I just disappeared.

Then one day I did try to commit suicide by slitting my wrists. It didn't quite work out. It wasn't as easy as they show in the movies :). Then I had a realization. I was looking for some external factor to make me feel better...my mom, my friends, etc. and I was very self-pitiful. I realized that if I wanted to get out of my situation, only I can do something about it.

I let go of the past and started over. I got a paid internship..moved out of my parents house and concentrated on just being self-sustaining. I made new friends and tried to be as social as possible...being around happy people rubs of on you :)

I feel like you are still in the phase where you are going over your past and keep thinking that you should have done something different. You have to stop thinking about the past. Hopefully, saying it out loud here helped you a little with that. I would suggest you to concentrate on the present. Take small steps. Do one thing each day to improve your situation.

A few more tips that helped me deal with my depression: - Write out your feelings like you did now - Try your best not be alone. Either go to the library or a coffee shop to do job applications or other work. - Don't take your friends and your dad too seriously. Most people do not know how to deal with a depressed person. They usually say the exact wrong thing :)

Best of luck!