[bena]

I want the knowledge out there, I just don't want it to be used against people. You can learn love languages, you can talk about them to people, but you can't use bring it up with people you're in a relationship with. Especially in a discussion about your relationship.

The point is for people to focus on learning rather than weaponization.

And it's not just love languages. It's pretty much every psychological and sociological concept. Bringing them up in a discussion is almost always an attempt to cut off the other person's attempt at communication.

It's like the list of fallacies. No one wonders if they're making fallacious arguments, they just use it as a cudgel against other people.

[em-bee]

not talking about your feelings in your relationship is exactly what opens you up for abuse. you both need to communicate openly with each other about everything you feel. if you can't do that then the relationship has a serious problem, and i would seek counselling

[bena]

Talking about your feelings is fine. The line comes when you start making demands of the other person.

People also see these things as magic phrases that will solve the problem. They're not. Interpersonal conflicts are complex even at their simplest. So while it is good to know about all of these things, as a tool of active communication, they're often lacking.

Because the goal of a relationship should be to find a person you mesh well together with, not to find someone you can mold into a perfect partner. That's also a serious problem.