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Caveat: this is going to be a meta comment rather than a comment about the topic proper, and so maybe not appropriate for HN, but I think it's worth discussing. > It sounds like you've been hurt by the some terrible management practices, I'm truly sorry that some managers think their job is to control their subordinates. When we assume someone was hurt, and imply they hold an opinion only because they were hurt, we risk delegitimizing their position. The interpolated message we might be sending is "your experience is personal and not representative of the subject at hand, and so your thoughts are only applicable to your situation; so, after we express our sympathy, your thoughts can be dismissed." Or the message we might be sending can be patronizing: "you hold your opinion for emotional, rather than rational, reasons; I'm sorry that you are so unfortunate." To be clear, though, I'm sure this wasn't your intent, and it makes me glad to see someone being compassionate (i.e. that you bothered to consider the experiences and feelings of the parent commenter). A personal story: I was raised devoutly religious but left the church in my twenties. My family and friends assumed I left because I wanted to be free from guilt, had been hurt by a culture that belied the doctrine, and so on (and they said as much). My change of belief occurred after recovering from a few years of mental illness, and while it is true that I may not have left when I did were it not for the opportunity to reexamine my beliefs (while trying to piece back the fragments of my life into a sense of self), the reasons why I left were the result of a lot of research and thinking. It was mildly frustrating when people assumed my decision was made for emotional convenience, when in reality, the research was uncomfortable and contemplating an unfamiliar universe was scary. I recognize the irony here – the issue I'm highlighting in this comment may be something that only I feel is an issue, born from a personal experience. But I think it's more common than that. |