[weldedtogether]

Anecdotal evidence as it is, I'd like to vouch for the fact that I am usually the "mother" in this scenario. Dirty dishes being left out drives me nuts, especially if it's overnight. When I wake up and come out of the bedroom to a clean house, I'm relaxed. Waking up to a house with dishes still around from the night before can set a baseline stressed (need to do this still) mood for a hefty chunk of my day.

On the other end, my girlfriend doesn't seem to mind at all. She does when it gets very messy, but the minor ones don't bother her like it does me. The author's mindset regarding dishes in the above article does remind a bit of her as well.

[brewdad]

I'm the one who is fine with a few dishes left overnight while my wife dislikes it but not enough to clean them herself (normally dish washing is my responsibility). We found a decent compromise by putting in a bigger, deeper sink when we remodeled our kitchen. Now a couple of glasses and bowls left overnight aren't really even visible until you are standing directly over the sink.

[op00to]

My anxiety manifests in similar ways. I "do the dishes" (or whatever annoying task it is that tweaks my anxiety in the morning) before I wind down for the night. I take control of my own happiness.

[ikr678]

I finished work around two hours before my ex. I'd get home, clean the house to my standards, declutter and only then be able to relax after work when the space was in order.

They'd get home from work later, and to relax immediately discard laptop, jacket, shoes, mail around the house, get changed and leave work clothes on the floor, start making a snack and leave plates in the kitchen before I was about to make dinner.

We contributed equally towards costs of living, so there was no 'breadwinner' power imbalance, just a fundamentally different expectation of how our living space should be used. I never found a way to reconcile this.

[selcuka]

> I never found a way to reconcile this.

I guess one sane way is to hire someone to tidy up the house on a daily basis and share the cost.