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by joeberon
1526 days ago
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I had horrific and long lasting negative effects from LSD. My wife absolutely laments that she convinced me to take it the two times I did. I saw mortality and impermanence directly, I felt entirely alone, and also I got extreme motion sickness and was passing out in a mess of white fractals and intensity in my body. I developed severe flashbacks to the trip and every time I had one I became extremely suicidal. The only good thing that came from it is that it pushed me towards an actual solution for me, which is practising zazen (goalless sitting in the Soto Zen tradition of Mahayana Buddhism). Resting in this moment, as Buddha, unmoved by external conditions. If I did not learn this, my life would be over, and indeed taking a break from the practise for 6 months the old grasping mind returned and I found myself heavily desiring death again. I sit and this all goes. My life after LSD was so traumatic that I was forced to find a way. The worst part is that therapists had no idea how to even consider the cosmic horror I felt, they just said it was “weird” and tried to shift the focus to tangible things, but it was the ineffable infinity that I was scared of. Anyway, I always say that LSD fucked up my life so much that I had to turn to _religion_ to cope!! As a former militant atheist, that’s an incredible thing to say |
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There's a whole class of therapists who won't dose people on psychedelics because they feel the risks are too high (legally+medically) but will gladly take in people like you to help integrate the experience and helping with coming to some closure and insights.
Might be worth a session or two. Also sounds like you took a really freakin high dose... Yeah acid has its own agenda and lasts waaaaaaaaaaaay too long, there's a reason a lot of the recent research is on psychedelics that don't blow you away for up to 12 hours straight.
Can you believe some of us do that for FUN? Maybe it helps to be spiritually seeking to begin with. I think learning your lesson with these tools is kind of like getting in a fight. You might get your ass kicked but some of us throw hands professionally with a shit eating grin on our faces the whole time.