[em-bee]

the problem with hired help is that is severely reduces the privacy of your home because you always have someone around who is not family. depending on your culture this can be a serious dampener on things like intimacy in your relationship.

my understanding is that in india you don't even show intimacy in front of your children, so this part is very much limited to your bedroom. which means the hired help is rarely going to be a problem. in western culture intimacy is more open, and any stranger around becomes a disruption.

it is also a cost issue. i don't know about the US but hired help in europe is a lot more expensive. in germany for example you'd even have to pay for their insurance so the average middle income family simply can't afford it.

[jelliclesfarm]

I have never heard display of intimacy being connected to the decision to employ hired house help before. I am revisiting this just to register my marvel at the perception dreamed up about india in the rest of the world. East and west, they will never meet. I am going with the assumption that you were sincere, but this gross generalization can be construed as a little odd. I never imagine how the westerners are intimate or conflate that to regular way of life even though I have lived in both sides of the cultural world. Thanks once again for opening up my mind to acknowledge the differences between the east and the west.

[em-bee]

you are right about the generalization. i should have worded that more carefully. it just seemed to fit as a good explanation for the difference.

[olyjohn]

I mean, I live alone and just pay someone to come in once every two weeks. You don't need someone living there full time. Just outsource some of the major chores. Folding laundry, scrubbing toilets and tubs, cleaning the floors. Cleaners bust through that stuff in a couple of hours and then you've got all your privacy back.

[em-bee]

with kids the primary help needed for busy parents is actually making dinner. and laundry gets done every other day. the result is that the helper is around every evening which is the main time the family is at home.

[jelliclesfarm]

Define ‘intimacy’.

[em-bee]

intimacy is very different culturally. but generally it is any physical interaction with your partner.

to give you an example, i have heard from an indian friend that they would not touch their husband in front of their kids. no holding hands, hugging or kissing of any kind. i don't know if that is common in indian culture. i am not trying to generalize.

the point that matters is that i feel very restrained in how i act when our housekeeper is present.

[jelliclesfarm]

It seems like a generalization. India has 1.4 billion people.

House help isn’t around 24 hours/day. Just like you wouldn’t be intimate with your partner in front of your boss, I guess it’s the same with someone you employ?