[as-j]

You will get through this. I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need, this can create a lot of stress.

You're making a lot of assumptions about your performance, since your manager is out who's filling in for them? Express your concerns to them and get a frank evaluation on your performance from their point of view. Don't spring this on them, but tell them what you wrote here and ask for feedback.

A couple of thoughts:

1. Nothing you've said sounds PIPable. Everyone makes mistakes, as roles grow the effect of those mistakes grows. Accidentally pushing to prod....really should have safe guards...I flipped a switch a few weeks ago, on a Friday, before leaving the office, and well now we lot of lessons learned. We all make mistakes.

2. Once you leave school you will get involved in projects/work that no one has done before. These take longer, and probably need more support. I think it's hard for those who have been working for a long time to remember what it was like to be a new grad.

3. New grads aren't hired for your ability to produce vast quantities of code/fix problems. Those are L5s....three levels above a new grad, and probably 10+ years later.