[APhoenixRises]

There are risks with taking any medication, so your concerns have merit. I take medications for depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I consider myself very lucky to have a very patient and supportive doctor. As I come on and off medications, we always talk about the risks and potential benefits. The choice that I have to make for myself is if the benefits outweigh the risks.

Another thing to consider is that while medications can improve your quality of life, they're only part of the solution. I see a therapist weekly and a coach for ADHD on and off throughout the year. I have to exercise regularly or else my anxiety and depression become unbearable. It's hard work, but I know that consequences of not doing those things are far worse. In my case, my medications don't solve my depression and anxiety. What they do is bring me up enough that I can keep moving forward and keep improving, with the hope that one day I will untangle the mess of emotions and I may not need them anymore.

You mentioned that you've tried therapy. Did you stop because you felt better or because you didn't have a good rapport with your therapist? This is just my experience, but it took 2-3 years before my therapist and I were able to tear down all of the defenses I put up for decades. I'm at year 7 and I'm finally starting to push through some of my own behaviors and stories I tell myself to make progress and take back control of parts of my life I thought I had no control over.

I can't tell you what you should do. What I will say with absolutely certainty is that it is not weakness to want help. It is not weak to want to live a productive life. I would talk to your doctor about what you're experiencing to have another opinion about your situation. Medication for some people is the complete answer, but that's not always the case. I would strongly encourage you to find a therapist that you have a good rapport with and stay with them. Once again, at least in my case, the medications balanced me enough to deal with my mental health issues. Dealing with depression takes a lot of time and energy, but now I know the issues I'm really fighting, I don't feel helpless anymore. Take care of yourself. You are worthy of having a good life.