[crossingTime]

As a scientist and programmer, everything to me points to a creator. Obviously every person has a different set of options, and some people have no options. I think most people that aren't following Jesus are already following "I decided that I must live my life on my terms." OP has just decided that they want to choose a different direction of what they are choosing to do in this life.

I believe the true purpose is to glorify God and share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. I've gone through cancer and lost children. Pain is thankfully only temporary. I believe the joy of God is eternal and most people will not find joy/happiness outside of this in their lifetime.

[p0d]

Your comment touched on something which was on my mind when I was writing my own comment. The problem of pain and suffering. A lot of modern 'success' thinking does not consider the difficulties of life.

I am inspired that you have remained true to your beliefs having battled, lost so much.

A dear 40yr old friend died of cancer last year leaving behind his wife and 3 little girls under 10. He was one of the best men I knew. His work colleagues spoke at his funeral of how good a man he was. A man who never lost his temper and clients requested him as he was so well respected. I hope at my own funeral similar will be true.