[jpgvm]

Thank you for your story, I'm glad you are in a better place now.

> without needing to saturate myself with intense stimuli (ie: competitive video games) just to keep the rumination at bay

I can relate to this so much. I have racked up countless hours (literal thousands...) on competitive games over the last decade or so, mostly as a coping mechanism. I have stopped a bunch of times because I realized even if I was good at these games I didn't actually enjoy them, I just played them because they masked the other things I was feeling.