[bee_rider]

I slightly object to the idea that the East Coast brusqueness should be interpreted as less "nice." If we're mapping "kindness" to "actually solving real problems" and "niceness" to "being polite about things" -- politeness is a cultural idea.

Like if I'm at the grocery store and I strike up a long "polite conversation" with the cashier, I'm actually kind of being a dick to everybody behind me in line, by slowing things down. And it seems rude to me, that I should impose upon the cashier to make them pretend to be my friend. They are working and I'll respect that by letting them focus on their job.

Speeding things up for the people behind me and keeping the professional boundaries in place aren't some sort of deep difference in the problem-solving philosophy. This is just basically a different way of looking at politeness that emphasizes getting out of the way.

[nobody9999]

>I slightly object to the idea that the East Coast brusqueness should be interpreted as less "nice." If we're mapping "kindness" to "actually solving real problems" and "niceness" to "being polite about things" -- politeness is a cultural idea.

I agree. This was pointed up in a cartoon I saw a bunch of years ago. It had two identical panes of two drivers in their cars.

In the pane entitled L.A., one driver was saying to the other "Have a nice day!" while thinking "Fuck you!"

In the pane entitled New York, that driver was saying "Fuck you!" while thinking "Have a nice day!"

As a native New Yorker, that really resonated. As such, a big "Fuck you!" to everyone! ;)

[e40]

Sounds like a New Yorker cartoon.

[alar44]

This is exactly one of the things I absolutely hate about the Midwest. I want to get my groceries, or beer, or gas, and get the fuck out. But everyone feels the need to have a goddamn conversation in the checkout line. Get your shit and move on.

[silisili]

As an ex midwesterner, it's something I kinda miss. People elsewhere come across as short or even rude by comparison. But you're right, things are definitely slower.

[spacemanmatt]

If you can't code-switch for the grocery store I honestly have to wonder how you get by at work.

[alar44]

Really? You think that talking to people I spend a third of my life with is the same as chit chatting with complete strangers at a grocery store? I feel sorry for your coworkers.

[replygirl]

for some people this is flipped, and for some people it's not a valuable distinction. people who shop at the same grocery store as me are part of my community--much closer to my coworkers than to commenters on hacker news, for example

[spacemanmatt]

If you are on a familial level with your coworkers I feel sorry for you.

[alar44]

No one said anything like that. I'm not sure what you're on about.

[bee_rider]

We've got a couple armchair psychologists in this thread. Like precise level of professional distance kept is a deep insight into our psyches. One iota more? Maybe you've replaced your family with your work family. One iota less? You are probably clinically depressed.

[blaser-waffle]

One of the kickers that my ex was clinically depressed was her inability to make small talk with strangers or summon the energy to interact with anyone outside of predefined activities / roles.

Small talk bullshit like that ain't hard. Toss out some one-word responses or thought terminated cliches.